Praises.

It's been a while since i've last felt this calm.
It's somehow reassuring.
Maybe i could turn out to be a better person one day.
Maybe i could defeat and silence the demon inside of me.
Maybe i could stop being a monster and start being human. Just human.

It's been a while since i've last felt this calm.
Maybe there's still hope pouring in.
Maybe there's still a stray of light for me to struggle in the dark.
Maybe there's still time for me to change.
Maybe i should change.


It's been a while since i've felt this calm.
It's been a while, i tell you.

Hilang.

7 bulan. Tepat 7 bulan yang lalu. Tepat pada saat ini 7 bulan yang lalu, jiwaku seperti retak. Aku merintih dan meronta, bagaikan ingin dikejutkan dari mimpi yang buruk. Aku seperti diberi satu sepakan yang menbangkitkan diriku kembali ke dunia realiti. Tepat 7 bulan yang lalu, tepat pada waktu ini, jiwa kami kehilangan.

Tidak ku berhasrat untuk mencoretkan perasaanku di sini. Hatiku gundah memikirkan tragedi. Amirah, sudah 7 bulan lah, Amirah. Kami rindu kamu.

Mungkin aku tidak berapa sedar sewaktu itu. Ya, aku mengangis, aku merintih, aku rasa kekosongan yang menyusuli selepas perginya arwah. Namun kenapa? Kenapa baru aku rasa begini? Rindu. Aku rindukannya. Mungkin benar, tidak ku dulu rapat dengan arwah. Tetapi kesedihan rakan-rakanku yang rapat dengannya masih dapat ku rasai.

Rakan. Rakan-rakan. Mungkin ku berbaik dengan semua. Tetapi kau telah menyedari aku, Amirah. Aku keseorangan. Ku tidak mempunyai rakan yang aku boleh berkongsi kesemuanya bersama. Ku tidak mempunyai apa yang kau ada. Jika ku berada dalam keadaan sepertimu, jika aku yang menjadi si mati suatu hari nanti, adakan aku akan ada rakan-rakan yang akan merindui aku sepertimana rakan-rakanmu merindui mu? Yang akan sentiasa mendoakan kesejahteraan ku? Adakah aku cemburu? Ya, aku cemburu. Tetapi, Amirah, kalau kau masih di sini, aku ingin memeluk dan mencium mu. Terima kasih kerana membuka hatiku. Terima kasih kerana menyedarkan aku betapa tingginya harga seorang rakan. Terima kasih kerana menyedarkan diriku yang aku tidak akan ke mana tanpa rakan-rakanku. Aku sungguh berterima kasih denganmu.


Al-Fatihah, moga kau sentiasa berbahagia di sana, Amirah.

Reach.

Well i guess i should write about this sooner or later.
I've resigned.
and i am now an official penganggur.

Might be up and out looking for a part-time job sometime after i get bored of the jobless life. 'Side i might really need money, sometimes i jabs my heart a little looking at ma.

*facepalm* I'm such a fail. I didn't bring my camera to take pictures for this post. damnit.

I went to send in my work uniform today.
Bought macarons for them, lemon, strawberry and chocolate.
Joanne looked very happy when i bought them to the office.

Anyways, i hung out with them for a while and i stomach decided that i was hungry so i headed down to McD.
Knowing that I didn't really need to do anything anymore, i procrastinated and grazed through this one pamphlet they had on the counter. It had a Kung Fu Panda cover. I took the pamphlet and ordered myself a good ol' Double Cheeseburger and Milo.
I set down at a table that i usually sit during breakfast hours before work and spent around 3 hours practice-sketching Kakashi. I'm still not used to Naruto drawings, Bleach drawings seems so so much easier.

Went back up to MPH and followed Rebecca, Joshua, Sarvesse, Wahidah, Khalilah and Rahmat for break. No matter how annoying these people are, i'll have to admit that i'll miss working with them. Fhatin, Sufi and Syazwan joined in after some people on our table left. Stayed with them and followed them back to Studio R. Caught up with Fhatin and all of her stories. I miss hanging out with her, i swear.

So after such a long time hanging around and 'menganggur'-ing, i decided to go home and bam!
You'll never guess who i met.
I met REENA! she came back from London for a short holiday. It's been a while since i last met her, i don't even remember when. She was with her one of her friends from there- Tall, fair and pretty- Pixie. Followed them for a while, go shopping and all. and before i went home, we met AJ. Turns out I've met AJ before, he ordered one of his Lady Gaga books from MPH and i answered the call actually. Small small world.

Overall, today's a pretty awesome day.
Yeah, i might have just made it sound very short and boring.
But i can't never tell the whole story.


Oh, and i hear they're bringing forward our SPM results.
End of February, they said.
Please no, i know i'll miss my friends more after results comes out.
Why did we even wish that we'll grow up?

Le gasp.

HOLLY MOTHER OF BLOGGERS.
My last three posts are all about shippuuden.
I need to get a life.
The end.

Here comes the fangirl.

I WANT ONE.
SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.

Meh.

I had something in mind for this post just now.
But...


I just can't seem to recall what's it about. Yes, shotgun me. No, it has nothing to do about Naruto Shippuuden/Bleach. Sorry dear reader(s), i'll update sooner or later tho.
Been facing this memory problem ever since i can remember.

Well, i'll just leave this here for now.
Hahahahahahaha.
He's so adorable ♥

NOOOOOOOO.

SHIPPUUDEN, Y U SO MEAN?
FIRST YOU KILLED OFF ASUMA.
THEN HIDAN.
THEN DEIDARA.
NOW, JIRAIYA?

Y U NO KILL BITCH ASS SASUKE? WHY?!



______________________
Edited.
_____________________



I've just read a spoiler.
Kakashi dies too. But then magically lives again.
HOW LONG DO YOU PLAN ON KILLING ALL MY FAVOURITE CHARACTERS AND NOT SASUGAY? GAHHH.

あほやろ。

Okay so yes, as promised. Here's the post. Please pardon, no racism/hatred intended here, i was just emotionally challenged.

Today i had to work full shift, and went to work like ever other day. Woke up, took shower, went to work, got breakfast and scanned in for work.

I swear i think the people that came today are pretty disturbed in their heads. No seriously, i get that it's a public holiday and such, but why in the fuck would you want to hang out in a bookstore? like duuuuuuuuuuuuude, seriously.

So yes. The people that came today are pretty.. how should i say- so that i won't sound like one pms bitch?- i guess i should just put it in such a way that maybe they forgot to pay their brain bills? Please, forgive me. Judge me all you want, i might just be emo and was only fueled by teenage angst.

So there was this one lady who came with a boy around my age- well, my age i guess, he was wearing a PLKN t-shirt, i know so because i had saw Aizat's before- i assume the lady is the mother, and so they asked about this one book and coincidentally, the book was out of stock hence i had to call up another outlet to transfer their stock here. And to do so the fella who wants the book has to pay an amount of deposit, which is half the price of the book.

Fella: Can i pay the deposit with the book voucher?
Me: I'm sorry, but you can't do so. You'll need to pay cash.
Fella: Why?
Me: Because it's like that.
The fella's mom: Why can't we use? Ridiculous.
Me: Well, it's like this. You CAN use the voucher, but the deposit needs to be in cash.
Fella: But i want to pay with book voucher.
Me: YOU CAN PAY WITH BOOK VOUCHER. JUST NOT THE DEPOSIT. (Serious time ni aku dah macam nak cirit dekat muka dia dah.)
Fella: Why do i need to pay half only? Nevermind, i pay full with book voucher.
Fella's mom: Ya la, nevermind we pay full.
Me in my head: OH MY GOD, TAK PAHAM BAHASA KA, CIBAI?

And then there was this other fella. Some Chinese guy called up, i had to sit at the enquiry today since Mat's only on morning shift. So yes, this other bozo called.

Bozo: Hello.
Me: Yes, hello. MPH Gurney Plaza, Izati speaking how can i help you?
Bozo: Hello.
Me: Yes, hello?
Bozo: Yes, hello.
Me: Can i help you sir?
(and by this time there was this one kid and a few more customers looking at me tak sabaq-sabaq nak suruh aku cari buku, i mean i'm on the phone fucker, wait for your turn la kan, fucker.) yes, sorry. and so the bozo was like
Bozo: Just now i called, i got reserve three books. got ar?
Me: Can i know who did you speak to?
Bozo: I didn't speak to anyone.

Yes, you wouldn't know how mentally tortured i was to be surrounded by idiots today.
Another one was

Kid: Aunty ahhhhhh.
Me: Hmm? (layan je la kan, aunty pun aunty la.)
Kid: Aunty ahhhhhhhhhhh!
Me: Yes? can i help you?
Kid: Hihihihihihihihiihihihihi.
Me: (stares at kid blankly)
Kid: (speaks some random Chinese shiz prolly asking me about something.)
Me: Huh? Sorry i don't speak Chinese.
Kid: This book got in Chinese ar? (points at a book with that IS in Chinese)

Yes, please do Freddie Mercury ultra-high-angle reverse facepalm yourselves. And no, that wasn't the end of it.

Really old Aunty: Ah miss ah, help me find a book ah.
Me: Okay, title please?
ROA: The one the Dr Mahathir book leh. You know ah? The one the Dr. Mahathir one.
Me: Doctor in the house ka?
ROA: Haaaaa. Ya la, that one la. What are you doing, cepat la cari.
Me in my head putting up two middle fingers: Okay, hang on ah aunty, i go find.

and so i found the book.

ROA: Haaa, this one lah.
Me: Yes, this one lah.
ROA: No discount ah?
Me: No, this one just came in.
ROA: How much the price?
Me pointing at price ticket: here.
ROA: No discount ah?
Me: No, no discount, aunty.
ROA: Why i go see that one store got discount one?
Me: Mana saya nak tau.
ROA: Here no discount ah? Popular got discount one.
Me: Sini bukan Popular, aunty.

Haram gila, aku taktau nak kata. Lepas tu sekoq lagi mai.

Guy: I'm looking for a book.
Me: Yes sir? I can help you find it.
Guy: It's about this one story. (then he went raving on about this one story about a guy who was a fan of something and something, i wasn't really listening because at that moment got this one lady yang macam cibai tak sabaq-sabaq takmau ikut turn.)
Me: Maybe i could look up the book for you sir, can i have the title?
Guy: I don't know the title.
Me: Well, maybe the author?
Guy: I don't know the author.

Oh god, please save them from permanent stupidity.


Well i should stop, i've been facepalm-ing my self for a gazillion times that my had could just go through my face if this post continues. I just hope tomorrow wouldn't be as stupidly awkward as today.

Thank you for listening (well um, reading actutally) my rantings here today. Just needed to vex out some stress i've been coping just now. Only god knows how i could have survived.
Till then, matta ne.

So sorry it's over.

So i was thinking.
Yes, about my next step.

A few of my friends had started early for college, and i'm still here working.
Woah, not complaining there. Working is great. I think i've developed a few skills working here in MPH. Like what you ask? Well, if you insist that you want to know. I might have developed this really awesome skill of ripping the plastic wrapper with one hand and without ruining the book. I think i'd also gain this one skill of scanning through bookshelves without really looking and finding the book. And i might have mastered the art of mentally killing someone in your head and hold up a really good debate with substance. Okay, yes. Thay're pretty much useless. But at least i wake up early and comb my hair now.

Anyways, I still haven't get my driving license.
And half of the people i know now already have a car and a license to go with. Bleh, spoiled spoiled bitches. And i'm just jealous.
I hope that i'm not really wasting time here working.

I might even reconsider Architecture.
Fck i don't even like maths to start with.
I don't like anything.
I might as well get a major on doing nothing.
Ahh, this is so not uber cool.


Well yes.
Till then, don't hold your breath for my next post.
Bye bye.

Bacchikoi.

Life for me has been a bit boring.
I've got to remind myself that i still need to study.
Bila la gaji nak masuk, bleh.

Till then.
Sore ja, bye bye.

Ni.

So i am inside my room with my door closed typing things out and suddenly i heard Aizat saying,
Bro: Charger phone rosak.
Mama: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA? (really loud)
Bro: Charger phone rosak.
Mama: CHARGER PHONE ROSAAAAAAAAAK? (louder)
Papi (just came back home from prayers and rushing to open the pad-lock): CHARGER PHONE ROSAK?!

Hahaha oh my god. Kalut gila family aku.


Mama was away in KL for the whole week last week,
and then she went to Sabah with Papi this monday.
They're back home now.
and i just want to tell the whole world,

I MISS THEM SO MUCH! haha.

Clouds.

Hello.
Well yes, i'm supposed to be off to work now.
In another half an hour or so atleast.
Rapid doesn't wait for you, you know.

I don't know why,
But i woke up this morning feeling so unmotivated.
I felt like i wanted to lie on my bed the whole day.
Couldn't get proper rest last night, and now i just feel exhausted.
I'm tired, i need a change.
Work is tiring, i want a change.

Great, i might end up as a job-hopper in the near future.
Woo hoo, lovely.

I wanna stay at home today.
I'm just so so so tired. ):

Amber Pacific.

Tomorrow's the first day of school for 2012.
And to be completely honest, I really really do miss school.
There was still so much things that i could have done.
So much things that i could have fixed back then.
If only i'd realized before.
I wouldn't have to live with this regret.

i hope everyone's doing fine. I miss all of you!

Horse.

Woah, i'm such an ignorant selfish bitch.
Didn't even wished you people a Happy New Year, didn't i?

Well hey, happy new year.
Start strong, finish stronger.
2011 has been great, but i'm hoping this year would be better.

And nope, i don't really have a new year's resolution this year.
I haven't thought of it yet actually.
Then again, what was my 2011's resolution?
Heck did i even cross out any of those 'resolutions' from the list?
I should go and check my previous posts, maybe i did post about it here, then again, i always do.

Ah, well yes. I did not did the countdown.
I slept for a year, if you get what i mean. ;)
Till then, ja minna-san.

Got shot by Syahirah Syukri.

So yeah, i was happily reading latest posts today and- bam!- Syahirah tagged me in this one post. I don't usually do these types of posts, but hell i have all the time in the world now since i'm off from work today.

Well, yes. I'm running low on witty subjects to write on. Maybe i should write about my workplace soon, yes maybe i should. Well, till then, here goes:

Rules / Peraturan :

• pertama sekali , korang mestilah kena post peraturan nie
• kedua korang mestilah ceritakan atau describe 11 perkara tentang diri korang
• kemudian , jawab soalan yang dikemukakan oleh orang yang men-tag korang tu dan buat soalan baru untuk orang yang akan anda tag tu pulak
• seterusnya macam biasalah tag kepada 11 orang dan link mereka dalam post
• lepas tu korang pergi lah dekat blog diorang ke , pesbuk diaorang ke , beritahu diaorang yang korang dah tag dia dalam permainan nie
• NO TAG BACK :)
• and lastly , no stuff in the tagging section about " YOU ARE TAGGED IF YOU ARE READING THIS " you legitimately a.k.a Really , Trust with all Honest have tagged 11 people

11 things about me eh? Bleh.

1) Papito said he misspelled my name in my birth cert where i am supposedly to have a double Z in my name. "Izzati" instead of "Izati".
2) Out of all places to get cut and bruises i hate to get them on my fingers.
3) Unlike Syahirah, I eat veggies because i am scared i'll get constipated. Yes, true fact.
4) I think Hatake Kakashi is very husband-worthy. He's tall, caring, smart, mature, he reads and a pervert.

5) As outgoing and friendly i am, i hate human beings.
6) I have once made a list of my classmates that who i would kill in order from first to last- and how i would kill them- if i was in Battle Royale. No, i would not post that list.
7) I would hate a band if they went mainstream no matter how good they are. For instance, Paramore. They were one of my favourite bands- EVER. Then they went mainstream, and i came find that it's very very hard for me to like them again. I know it's stupid, for you to like a band, you would want them to succeed right? But it's just the fact that everyone goes, "omg omg omg (insert mainstream band name here) is so EPICZZ." it's freakin annoying.
8) I feel very inferior around my sister because i think she's way prettier than i am.
9) I hate doing things together with someone i know, i prefer to do something alone, if you get what i mean.
10) I have a Nikon 3100 named Shotgun.
11) I now do not like or dislike any colour.


Saa, Questions from Syahirah:

Numero uno: What's the best thing have ever happened in your life ?
Woah, deja vu. Someone had asked me the same question before, and somehow i couldn't really answer. But hey honestly, the best thing that had happened is maybe that i've met some of the greatest people throughout my life. Though, i still have that strong feeling that something better than that is going to happen in the near future. ;)

Numero dos: Do you like camping ?
As a child, yes maybe. But i've grown up pretty spoiled to be staying overnight in a tent. Although the thought of marshmallow and air pollution through bon fires seems very intriguing.

Numero tres: Who is/are your best friend(s)

Ha, am i the only person that find this question funny? Well, the thing is, when you're always on good terms with EVERYONE, you'll never do have that one or two friends that is always with you. Well, maybe the real bestfriends that i'd ever had was probably Akram in kindy- and then we went to separate schools and never met- so basically he's not counted as the current bestfriend. There was Atiqah in primary school, i met her in Standard 4, we somehow amazingly share same interests, Linkin Park was one of it- I've rarely met her now ever since we grew up and went to different high schools, the only time we meet was in school events where we said our common Hi's and Bye's. And then there's Reena, I love this bitch. But then she dumped me and left me here all alone and went off to Billy-Shakespeare land, but we still stay in contact. So to conclude all that, I am Forever Alone lvl:9999.

Numero cuatro: Which one would be your first priority ? Friends or family ?
Family hands down. Not to be an asshole towards my buddies anyways, i love them as much but yeah, i love my family more.

Numero cinco: What kind of vacations do you like ?
Anywhere would do actually. I'm itching for an adventure, but i'm stuck with work and an empty wallet.

Numero seis: Do you smoke ?
Nope i do not smoke. I.. er, do not like smoky places? It's jsut that smoke suffocates me quick man. The smell of carbon is just horrible. And the smell of cigarette is just as twice as horrible and suffocating.

Numero siete (i think?): Are you the first child in your family ? If you are, do you like it ?
Nope i am not. I am the spoiled last child of three. With a blond but smart sister and a brother that only feeds me nasi kandar when mama's away in KL. In a way, i love being the last child, i don't get the first blame. :D

Numero.. er, number eight: Tv or Internet ?
Internet. I mean, why TV? You can watch shows online too you know. Plus, the national tv show crap. And when they show something really good, it'll overlap with the other good show on a different channel. Piece of shit i tell you. So yes, internet all the way. The funny thing is, when adults ask us this, they'll only think we'll go on Facebook. Oh pleaaaaaaaaaase, Facebook it a piece of crap too. Hello? Haven't you heard of youtube?

Number nine: Can you live without your cellphone ?
Yep. But i know i'll get really pissed for losing it because i have to go on Facebook and post some stupid status like, "Omg you guyzzz, i lost my cellular. Inbox your number plz plz plz.". Not cool begging wei, not cool.

Number ten: What kind of questions do you expect from me ? haha.
Ingat nak bagi yang lebih mencabar minda dan emosi. Hahahahaha

Number eleven: Your ambition ?
Aku nak jadi ninja ahhhhhhh. Macam syiok ja. hihi

Anyhoo, no i'm not going to ask anything. And no, i'm not gonna tag 11 people.
I'm such a badass, that i break the game rules, oh yeaaaaaaah. :D

Till then, i'm off. I wanna go buy myself some Gatorade.
Ta.