Step aside.

For the fourth time this week i found myself sitting outside and staring at the sky. It's been almost one hour i sat here and no, the clouds are not moving at all. So i sat there for another 10 minutes staring at the sky; covered with a thick layer of cloud. It's dark out here, it's going to rain soon. People said you'll go calmer when you look at the sky. Well, i don't. Knowing the world is so big and what future awaits me in the dark to pull me in, is not really scary. But the thought of not having a future is very very scary. After i lost someone important in my life- i didn't completely loose him, just that im forbidden to love him, thats all.- i've been thinking a lot on how little i went through my life. That's only one break up, i wonder how my others would be. I'll bet it'll be as painful, i'll bet it would be hard for me to let go too. He's not the only person i had hurt and almost perfectly ruin his life. I chuckled to myself, maybe i DO have a heart- maybe i do. If i don't i would never say okay that night, i would say i wont ever let him go- never, not even want to. That's when droplets of water started to come down. My usual routine nowadays, stare at the sky, wait for the rain, then go in and do something else.

I grabbed my Sejarah book, and a funny flashback played in my head. "I can't believe we're actually studying here. Sejarah. Wow.", Reena said- My most awesome pal in the world. I don't believe in my other half but i think she's my other half- hey, no lesbo intended here kay. But she completes me, really. I feel whole with her, like my life is never wrong. So there i end up, reading about Tenku Kudin whatsit all.. Yeah Hyder, i bet you miss sejarah because doctors don't learn about it anymore aite? Aha. Im not comfortable in my room anymore ever since Pointytail moved it's offsprings into my room. And she keeps coming on my bed and shove her ass up to my face when im laying on my bed texting/reading. I told you my life is insaaaane. I went moody for no reason and went out to the mamak roti and bought two roti manis, and yeah you've guessed it, im eating BOTH of it. So much for sensei warning me not to put on weight or loose weight.

I don't really feel like totally studying. I can't really focus, because im still thick with sleep. I just woke up, and it felt really bad. Three texts wating for me to read it. One was from Yasmin, and one was from Syafiq, the other was from Rahimi. Mmmhh, I have no credit to reply them, so i didn't. I remember ada mamat ni semalam text- you know who you are, if you're reading, i miss you.- kata dia takda 'kedit' aha, and i misspelled kredit as 'kedit' in my exercise book for accounts this morning. Hmm, KH- i don't get one piece of bullcrap about accounts i'll give you that, and that's just the basics for god's sake. I should go through it now. Oh cold-knickers, where did i put my text book again? Damndamndamn, it's not on the table. maybe in the drawers? no. it's not in my bag too, where did i place ittt? gahhh. OMG. OMGGG, no. i left it on the bench outside school when i was waiting for mom. Crap, i did. Fhatin asked for the KH questions and i put my bag and the books i held down on the bench and took out a piece of paper to write down her phone number. And then mom came, and i took ONLY my bag and not the books. Shet, my Geoggers and Siviks book is there too. HOWTHAFAKK am i suppose to study nowww? great just great.

couldn't my life be anymore perfect?