My sleep pattern's been disrupted from staying up late and waking up late.
This is a pain. I'm actually worried if I'll screw up EST.
I mean, it's an extra sack of potatoes that i chose on my own free will to carry on my shoulders.
It would be embarrassing to not to ace this one.
It's been a while since i posted some long-ass post. My recent posts all seem so short and... brief?
Well nhmm, i don't really have an explanation for that. Maybe I'd just been uninspired and lifeless nowadays. Yes yes, not really a good excuse huh? Push me off a bridge.
Okay moving on, its been a while. But recently people on Facebook kept posting about their useless confessions. They're posting petty 'confessions' that no one wants to know of (i.e: I'm eating cereal) So how about i show you people what a confession really is? Open up your heart, and listen to what i have to say. This is my confession.
Every single time- and i really do mean every time- when someone says "Ala, kau dah lahir pandai" or something alike, it's like having a blade stabbed right through my heart over an over again. I would just deny it and keep quite. But now i would like to truly CONFESS about how i really feel when you people say so. It's like being my heart put on flames. I am infuriated about this. I am furious about it. I am mad.
Why?
Why won't anyone notice the horrifying amount of hard work that i had to go through to become... smart? To achieve that aim you've been chasing around all your life. Why won't anyone notice how hard I strived. And yet, you people just simply put in words and conclude that I AM BORN SMART? What the hell. Stop fucking around! I am just as same as everyone of you. And to be honest, I am probably on a lower level than everyone of you out there. I was not born smart. I STRIVED HARD. I wasn't raised to be equipped with any talent, though i was put in an English-based kindergarten where i did learn my english. Alhamdulillah. But that isn't the problem, after kindy i wasn't sent to another English-based school. And plus, I wasn't even all that great in primary school. I was not a genius, i was not smart. But i worked hard. Please, to even state that I was born smart, go kill yourself. I couldn't even memorize the basic 'Sifir 1-12' until i was 12, before UPSR. But I still can't remember Sifir 7 and 12. I have to use my fingers for Sifir 9 and the watch for Sifir 5. I still use the dictionary to check my spelling. I still read kid novels to check on my sentences. I was never in the first class until Standard 5. And when i got in the first class, i never did get even a top 10.
And now in high school, I still am the same person. I am not born smart, i am not a genius. I work hard, but it guess it's not hard enough. There's no streaming, but i've never got straight A's in school. Except for my PMR where i really did put all of my heart and soul and sacrificed ever second of my time to work for it. I am never in the top 50 in my Form. I ALWAYS get either 15, 14, 13, or 12 in class. No i am not bragging, i am telling all you pea-brains out there that God is fair. That amount of effort you put in something, would show how much the result is. What you reap is what you sow.
I am just as equal as anyone of you out there. But please, stop saying that everything is how it is. You have the power to change your life. So change it, change your life with your own hands. Work for it and pray hard for it.
God is fair.
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